Letter to Santa
Dear Santa,
It has been several years since I wrote to you, but I would like to submit a gift list this year and I think I have some pretty deserving folks this holiday season.
As usual I would like world peace and a blue sweater. But then you knew that, didn't you, Santa? I've had those items on my list for many years and they must be hard to come by. I'm sure I have been good, at least a lot of the time. Since you read this newspaper, Santa, I am sure you noted that some of the people closest to me announced to the world in November that I was celebrating my 60th birthday. That should serve as a big hint to you that I seldom have it in me anymore to be bad. Thus, I think I deserve world peace and a blue sweater!
I also would like for the Jackrabbit Hollow cats, Scout and Jane Austen, to have a puppy! What do you think of that? The chief Jackrabbit at the Hollow told me the other day that she thinks puppies are cute. I guess that is a secret yearning on her part to add a puppy to the mix of bookstore livestock. Scout and Jane Austen are young enough to enjoy a puppy and I am thrilled at the prospect of watching how this all pans out. Thanks, Santa!
And speaking of animals, could you arrange to go down the chimney at the city building and snag some pet tags for the stray cats that Sheryl Baker has been charged with harboring? I know that rules are rules and all that, but you know what's going on and you know she isn't a criminal
Santa, a special treat might be in order for the EMS crews, firefighters, and police officers who serve us all year around, but especially during the holiday season. Like the rest of us, they would like a normal holiday, but there is always the chance that they will be called out to help us. Please be especially nice to their families who re-arrange holiday parties, family dinners, and gift exchanges to suit their schedules. If I may be so bold, I think all of those families should get everything on their lists. (But then, they probably don't have big want lists, do they? I bet they are better givers than they are receivers.)
For the Peabody and Florence City Councils, I'd appreciate some interested men and women to run for the slots being vacated in the spring. Both towns are going to need strong, effective mayoral candidates as well. Thanks for that, Santa.
Oh, there is another thing for the Florence City Council, Santa. Can you figure out a way to end stupid problems like beer delivery trucks hitting their snowflake decorations and tractor-trailer rigs getting lost on residential streets? They already have big problems to tackle so could you give the stupid ones to Diamond Springs, Fairplay, or Oursler? Oh, and please bring their economic development director, Sarah Cope, a buyer for the former nursing home.
High on my list this year is a special gift for a government department. I would like the Kansas Department of Health and Environment to have a 999-head cattle feeding operation of its very own. The city of Peabody shouldn't be the only place to enjoy "the occasional smell of country." So it would be especially nice if the feed lot could be in front of their office building, up and running 24/7, 365. Thanks Santa, you're great!
And we have a little holiday problem at our house. I'm hoping you can help. For some reason the people to which this country has out-sourced its Christmas light production do not know the proper translation for the phrase, "If one light burns out, the rest stay on." I mean the box says that, but if one burns out then, KAPLOO-EY, the whole string goes dark. Maybe that is what they were trying to say in the first place. (I am trying hard to be kind and politically correct here, Santa.) Could you speak to a festivity ambassador or someone on our behalf? That would be grand.
For The Married Daughter and What's His Name, I would like a spring weekend of successful bluegrass performances on the warehouse lawn. They have a dream of bringing something new to Peabody and I hope you will help them out. All I can do is have The Mister mow the lawn and, by all means, I am willing to do my part!
For The Youngest Daughter, could you find a way to send her home to be one of the performers? I'd be willing to give up the blue sweater on my list for this one, Santa.
And one last thing
Thanks, Santa; as always, you are just the best!
— SUSAN MARSHALL
