Jailhouse rock
I might be appearing in a neighborhood near you before too long. I am on a mission, gathering funds. A friend of the Mister's and mine is likely headed for the big house and he will need financial assistance. He is in deep, deep trouble.
Poor guy, he spent years (about 80, I would guess) trying to stay on the right side of the law, just like his Mama told him to do. But he was faced with a choice, as many of us are, and he picked the wrong side. I expect he is facing a stint behind bars.
He is hesitant to hire an attorney and is considering throwing himself on the mercy of the court. I hate for him to do that. I fear he will break a hip if he throws himself anywhere. After many decades of being one of the good guys, he is suddenly a criminal. It is a tough row to hoe.
If you have been to any coffee shop in the city worth its, well, coffee, you know that I am speaking about Ross Baker, who was recently ticketed by the city for tearing down a building. Gasp! Yes, it is true. A police officer walked up to his house, knocked, asked to see his driver's license, and issued him a ticket for destroying a structure of great age, but of no historic value.
Now you all know what a stickler I am for preserving old stuff and doing right by our historic community. I am always rattling on about that. But I've got to tell you — this building was less historic than the two-seater outhouse in my own backyard! This was a garage/garden shed in a corner of Ross' property no longer accessible, even to a vehicle.
It was a nuisance property, an eyesore. The roof was caving in, the paint flaking profusely where it wasn't already gone, and the siding was rotten. It was a harbor for any number of varmints that might prowl our neighborhoods. It served no purpose.
In short, if Tammy Whiteside, Peabody Health and Safety officer had noticed it, poor Ross would have been ticketed for allowing it to stand.
You are gonna' love this. Instead he was ticketed for tearing it down.
It seems that in Peabody you can tear down a building on your own property without anyone setting up a howl. Chop it up 'til the end of time, no one cares. But guess what? If you choose to have someone else tear it down, you need to high tail yourself off to the city office and get a demolition permit. Did you know we had them?
The reason you need one is to save you from yourself. Because (you being stupid and all that) you might hire someone to tear down the building who is not licensed or insured. Then if something awful happens, you in your stupidity, might think it was the city's fault that you hired an unlicensed building tear-er down-er and you might file a lawsuit. Sure.
Now, having said that, it is possible that an un-licensed demolition person might chop down a Westar pole or leave all the debris in the storm drain or something, and then there would be a problem. Well, stranger things have happened, but I think that's a stretch, don't you?
Ross' crime was that he hired some un-licensed young boys who had worked for him before taking care of snow removal, mowing, and general outdoor stuff youngsters do to earn a buck. He should have known better. The boys' father came along to help and to keep everyone on task — a sure sign that a lawsuit against the city is in the works, don't you bet?
Ross contacted the Dumpster folks and ordered a big one — enough to hold the demolition material from the ratty old building. (He didn't try to sneak it off into his trash polycart, a board at a time, so he wouldn't have to pay to have it hauled. He did the right thing.) The Dumpster folks left the big container along the side of his property, on the city right-of-way, where everyone else leaves their recreational vehicles, campers, and extra cars.
By the way, the Dumpster folks are the same ones who haul away all of our refuse. Wouldn't you think the city MIGHT have spoken to them sometime in the last
Ross thinks having that Dumpster might be part of his problem. Nah, I can tell you what his problem is. He needs a couple of striped prison shirts or some sweats that say, "Lansing" on them. I think he is just done for. What could he have been thinking, hiring teenage boys and their dad?
The lesson here for the rest of us is to check before we alter our grounds, the pitch of our sidewalk, or the dimensions of our house, garage, or even the two-seater outhouse in the backyard. City ordinances are in place for a purpose and I buy that. But I have to say this one is obscure enough that a warning ticket might have been in order.
I guess we should be grateful to Ross — the rest of us now know what the ordinance is.
In the meantime, be nice to Ross. He has had a tough week or so and it is not over yet. His court date with the city judge is coming up. I am rounding up donations for those prison duds because I expect he will still be sputtering when he appears before the high magistrate. Not that I blame him much. Not everyone gets drawn and quartered for trying to do the right thing.
— SUSAN MARSHALL
