How to write an opinion column
Sometimes it is really tough to come up with a topic for this column. I think I have said that before, probably on several occasions. From time to time I have something I really want to say (you may have noticed that), but often I am staring at a blank computer screen wishing I could just skip it for a week.
The Married Daughter gave me a terrific gift for Christmas. From a variety of publications she clipped headlines, full articles, cartoons, phrases, and ads that she thought might be helpful for coming up with an opinion topic. She included flyers, brochures, and printouts from several web sites. The card said, "To Mom, 113 ideas for an editorial column."
I thought my troubles were over. Wrong. I've looked at them a couple of times and they are interesting topics, but most of them just don't seem to fit me, you know? I can't seem to get a fix on what I would say or how the topics would blend with my own thoughts and opinions.
She is the science whiz kid in the family. When she talks shop, we all nod and say, "uh-huh," but our eyes tend to glaze over after the third sentence. The Christmas packet she gave me is full of science, health, and environmental ideas. I can't begin to comment on topics like "The whole way to eat," or "Think before you flush that pill," or "Nitrates increase bladder cancer risk." What would I say?
And then there's the pamphlet on becoming a foster parent. Is she nuts? There are people who do a wonderful job as foster parents and I am sure more of them are needed. But long ago I was a day-care mom and to this day Preston and Casey Hodges refer to me as "Mean Mother Marshall." And I am supposed to have a worthy opinion on how to care for the children of others?
There is a clipping on self-pity. Sure, that would be me. I could expound at length on that one. "Nobody loves me, everybody hates me, I think I will go eat worms." Believe me, in this job you need a tough exterior. If you put your opinion out there for the world to consider you'd best have the presence of your convictions. Self-pity isn't an option, so discard that piece.
Somewhere in the packet are a couple of items about aging. Uh-oh, I wonder if she is referring to me? But I haven't yet decided what I want to be when I grow up, so I can hardly comment on the problems of aging. Besides, the AARP never sends anything to this address with my name on it; their mailings are always for The Mister.
However, she did include a couple of topics a little closer to my heart. One of my favorites (and I am saving this for sometime when I am really desperate) is "The real words to Louie Louie." It's true! After all these years, I finally have them in print.
Another is "A taste for porches." Now there is a Peabody-type editorial; we are awash in porches of all kinds. Much of America isn't. I could go for that. And "Volunteering made easy" is a topic I've covered before and will no doubt cover again
In the meantime, I have come to the end of another column. Whew!
— SUSAN MARSHALL
