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Everything I know about football

I have confessed many times to being a college basketball enthusiast, but I have never gotten any kind of a thrill out of NBA basketball. It is so s-l-o-w, I simply cannot deal with it. However, I have even less passion for football — football of any kind from high school to the pros. I have had people try to explain it to me to no avail. It just does not make sense and there is a huge snooze factor. It is even slower than professional basketball games.

However, Saturday night I was parked in front of my television waiting for the news to come on and some sort of football play-off game was on the screen, surprising everyone by going into overtime. Perhaps you saw it — guys in red from Arizona playing against the Green Bay Packers?

Well, I have many former high school friends in Wisconsin and I know Green Bay is there and I know the Packers are in Green Bay. Plus, there is a Kansas kid who has done well playing for Green Bay even though he was injured early this season – Jordy Nelson, right? Yup, that was close enough for me to almost feel related to the Packers, so I thought, “Well, I will look over those Green Bay Packers for a while until the news comes on.”

Now, someone please tell me how often football moves that fast. I was still trying to keep up with the coin flip that had to be repeated because the coin did not flip when there was a plethora of dramatic plays including some dude storming down the length of the field avoiding about 74 guys trying desperately to stop him before he hit the end zone for the winning touchdown.

Football never looks like that. I have watched football from time to time and I have never seen it look like that. If it did I might change my mind about it, because there I was, whooping in my recliner.

I knew I was not even rooting for the right team. I was cheering for that guy in red who was running over those Packers like they were apparitions. I could not tell you exactly what happened, but that was about the most interesting, fast moving, and exciting few minutes of football I have ever seen.

I might decide to become a cheese head. See? Cheese head, end zone, coin flip, slow, and touchdown — I already know some football stuff. Just wait until that other big game at the end of the season. What do they call it?

—SUSAN MARSHALL

Last modified Jan. 21, 2016

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