Last year was the first time we managed to keep all our New Year’s resolutions — until today, that is.
A year ago, we resolved to make just one resolution: that we wouldn’t make any New Year’s resolutions. You’d think it would have been easy to keep, especially in a year where the hopes, dreams, livelihood, and actual lives of millions of people were lost to a pernicious pandemic.
But with each new year comes new hope. And given the hopelessness 2020 instilled in all of us, the hopefulness of 2021 has proved irresistible. So herewith are our new resolutions in violation of last year’s anti-resolution resolution:
First, of course, we resolve to be at the front of the line whenever public health officials decide it’s time to vaccinate people like us. We’re not going to listen to weirdo conspiracy nuts who think the pandemic was a ploy and the vaccine will cause illness, tag us to be tracked by Big Brother, or render us so stupid we’ll believe whatever other tripe is shoved down our throats by social media and fringe groups.
We also resolve to put aside our trypanophobia — fear of hypodermic needles — and, until everyone has been vaccinated, to redouble our efforts to encourage people to wear masks in public and to stay home when infected or exposed to someone who is.
We’re far too close to whipping this invisible killer to allow self-absorbed scofflaws to threaten the health and lives of innocent people by not following simple rules.
All it takes are two questions: “Where’s your mask?” or “Shouldn’t you be staying home?” The life you save may be your own, or a loved one’s, or the person down the block who never hurt anyone and tried his or her best to stay safe.
We also resolve to continue asking why some officials seem to be doing everything in their power to make the pandemic seem less serious.
At a time when scofflaws are pointing to what they consider to be low death tolls, why is it that it may take four to six weeks before a COVID-19 death actually is reported as such?
At a time when we’re trying to take baby steps back out into a world wider than familiar stores where we pick up necessities, why is it that we can’t get clear information on where people have be exposed so we can avoid people who might give us the disease?
At some point, the community’s right to life outweighs individuals’ right to privacy. We don’t want to force people to wear a scarlet letter “C” on their chests if they’ve been exposed, but we would like at least a little more information.
Meanwhile, we resolve to keep the faith. Eventually, this, too, shall pass. And instead of fearing for our lives, we’ll be fearing for our pocketbooks and exactly how we’re going to pay — not just for the legitimate, needed aid that thankfully is being provided but also for the bloated purchases and unneeded stimulus payments that will end up in savings accounts until future tax bills claim them.
Our final resolution is that we resolve not just to help others when help truly is needed but also to compliment and, as best as we can, reward those who manage to make it through the pandemic on their own.
And we resolve to make sure that pandemic porkers, bellying up to the trough just because they can, get exactly what they deserve in the end — not just what they feel entitled to in the short term.
— ERIC MEYER